First World Problems

This morning I want to sleep in, but the sound of lanscapers with weed whackers wakes me up at 7:00 AM. I roll over and cover my ears with a pillow, but it does little to drown the noise.
First world problems

Around 8:30 I fight to get out of bed in my chilly room. Our AC is set to a comfortable temperature, but all the cold air seems to collect in my room keeping it well below the thermostat setting.  I end up wearing a sweatshirt inside even thought it's nearly 100ºF outside.
First world problems

Today I need to drive about a half-hour to the FAU main campus in Boca Raton to submit some paperwork.  I start my car and notice that the gas light is on, so have to I stop at a gas station. Regular unleaded is $3.62 in Davie, and I brace myself for the hit to my credit card.
First world problems

I arrive on campus and wait in the Human Resources office while they help another student. She doesn't have sufficient ID with her to finish her tax forms.  The HR employee says that her parents will probably need to express ship her passport to her so she can finish her paperwork in time to start her job.
First world problems

As I listened to NPR on my drive back to Davie, the scheduled program was interrupted to broadcast Secretary of State John Kerry's address regarding intelligence collected in Syria.  I had seen headlines about recent events but hadn't read the stories.  He described the aftermath of a chemical weapons strike led by the Syrian government that killed over 1,400 of their own people, and he stated that the U.S. is carefully considering how to react (but lets be honest, with our track record, military intervention is inevitable).

In pop culture we use the phrase "first world problems" as a meme and a joke in recognition of the inconvenient non-problems we so often encounter and occasionally let ruin our days.  And, really, they are some of my favorite jokes. Today, I began to consider our real first world problems.

I don't have a comprehensive understanding of our foreign policy.  But we are undeniably a nation with strong influence over the rest of the world.  How hard must it be for the government to weigh our roll in international affairs?  It's easy to say we should mind our own business and let a country resolve its own civil war.  But can we turn a blind eye to the slaughter of innocent people?  If we intervene are we agitating the problem or will we send a definitive message that chemical weapons have not been tolerated in nearly 100 years?

Real first world problems exist on an individual level as well.  Instead of landscapers, I could have been awakened by artillery fire and missile strikes. Instead of cold air, my room could have been filled with poisoned gas.  And, as a woman, my desire to continue my education and pursue a career could be met with disapproval and persecution instead of support and encouragement.  I live in a country of privilege for no other reason than I was lucky enough to have been born here.  Sometimes I feel guilty because I don't know how I can personally use that status to make a difference for someone who might not be so lucky. That is my real first world problem.

As Kerry finishes his address, I finally notice that I'm about to miss my exit.  I merge across three lanes of traffic and barely make it.  Then I realize it's actually the wrong one.
First world problems.

The Eve of Grad School

My slightly scattered life state has contributed to my lack of blogging.  I had difficultly organizing my over-active thoughts.  During my short time in Florida, I applied to grad school, was accepted, and got ready to move again.  Over the last few months my excitement and nerves battled each other.  I get to work in the Everglades! I'm ready to go back to school! But will the other kids like me? Am I smart enough? Can I afford this?

But now I'm here in South Florida. Tomorrow is my first day of class at Florida Atlantic University.  I recently reminded myself of a favorite quote: "Nothing in this world that's work having comes easy." (yeah... it's from an episode of Scrubs...)  I'll do fine in class, but it will be hard.   I'm sure I'll make more friends, but it might be hard.  When I find it, my project is going to be awesome.  But it's going to take a huge effort.  And I'm going to drive a fucking fan boat.

Tomorrow is my first day of grad school.  And I'm going to rock the shit out of it.

A Letter To The City Of Gainesville

Dear Gainesville,

I never imagined I how much you would mean to me in so little time.  Last November, I moved down to get exposure to southern ecosystems and eventually work my way to grad school.  I didn't think I would move on this fast.  My work at UF was the last piece of my puzzle I needed to get accepted to Florida Atlantic University. I'm both nervous and excited.

But I'm sad to leave you.  I just got here.  Just established myself and felt settled.  I've learned that I can still make strong friendships.  That I can let myself be emotionally vulnerable.  I've become more confident with my bike on both roads and trails.  With the friends you gave me, I canoed the rivers, hiked the forests, and swam in the keys.

Now it's time to pick up and move again, to South Florida, just on the edge of far away.  I'll miss you, Gainesville, but I'll fondly remember the adventures we had together.  And don't worry; I'll be back to visit.

Take care,

Michelle

P.S. I've shared some pictures of our happy memories:

Mike and our Spaniard friend, Davíd taking tree cores on Blackbeard Island

Mike examines artifacts from a lost time found in Osceola National Forest

Work Wear

Sherry and Marissa after finishing the Seven-Mile Bridge Run. Team "No Bus Of Shame"!

My going-away party:

Aaron

Jesse and John

Jenn

Chip

Soul Massage

My alarm sounded at 7:21 this morning, and I hit the snooze alarm. Before it could go off again, Sherry texted me, "See you soon." I had agreed to meet her at 8 so we could go run at San Felasco State Park. But I don't even get up for work this early. What the hell was I thinking?  I dragged myself out of bed, pulled on my running gear, and met at her house.  We chatted on the half-hour drive up to the park, and I began to wake up.  But just as we turned towards the trails, the sky opened up and it began to rain.  Hard.  Puerto Rico Hard.  I wasn't sure if I could bring myself to get out of the car.

Sherry planned on running for 1 1/2 hours; I was only going to run for about 30 minutes.  Filled with more ambition than I had, she took off.  I stayed in the car attemting to muster enough will and waiting in vain for a break in the storm.  I knew I needed this run.  I've been nearly sick by the thoughts plaguing me lately.  A story on NPR was enough to push me over the edge that if I didn't go now, I might start breaking things.

I cranked Lupe Fiasco on my iPod and took off. Most of the paths at San Felaso wind though an old oak forest.  But I chose to follow the two-track road through a grassy pasture. My brain already felt claustrophobic; I didn't need the trees closing in on my body too.  Rain drops ran down my head, my face, shoulders, arms, legs.  Before long I was soaked. Yet, it was a calming warm rain, a shower that washed away some of my tension.

I glanced at the pasture with low rolling hills.  In the rain it seemed beautifully still.  By the time I finished running, my shoes and socks were completely saturated.  I removed them before walking back to the car.  They only provided a foundation for blisters at that point.  Puddles in the road were ankle deep and the soft soil massaged my feet.  I reached the car and raised my hands in the rain like Andy Dufresne at the end of The Shawshank Redemption.  My run was a small endeavor, but today, adjusting my mindset was a grand accomplishment.

Foodie Pen Pals - April 2013

It's Foodie Pen Pal reveal day once again!  This month I received a box from Nicole.  I asked her to send snacks that would be good to take on a camping canoe trip, and she did not disappoint!

• Peanut butter almond granola - This is really tasty and great with my yogurt! 

• (SHELLED!) pumpkin seeds - I've had an affinity for pumpkin seeds lately.  I loved that these didn't have the tough shells to gnaw on.  

• Veggie chips - An addictive medley of dried carrots, sweet potato, squash, eggplant, and my favorite freeze dried green beans.

• Hickory beef jerky - So good that I had to ration it so it would last me all weekend!

• Spoon bread mix -  Nicole is from a town in Kentucky that is famous for their Spoon Bread Festival, and she included a mix with the rest of my snacks.  This was the only thing I didn't take camping.  But it was perfect to bring to a potluck at my friend Erin's house.  The result was somewhere between cornbread and grits.  This was the first time any of us had tried spoon bread, and it was a big hit!

Spoon bread fresh out of the oven.  Delicious with mini burger kabobs!

Thanks again for everything, Nicole.  Your box was an absolute delight!

My Foodie Pen Pal recipient this month, Mary, doesn't write her own blog.  So I invited her to write a guest post about what I sent her:

"I received a great box in April from Michelle from Florida.  My box contained the ingredients for the "Everything Soup",  It is a combination of Minestrone and a Pasta Fagioli.  It is something I will definitely be making."

I hope you enjoy your soup, Mary!

A picture that Mary sent after her box arrived

If you want to lean more about Foodie penpals, check out the link below! It's been a really fun experience :)

Why I Cheer The Anthem

There is a tradition during Chicago Blackhawks home games to cheer enthusiastically while The Start Spangled Banner is sung in the United Center.  It's a tradition that started in 1985 during a playoff game  against the Edmonton Oilers and was solidified during the 1991 NHL All-Star game hosted in Chicago.  That year, the United States had just entered the first Gulf War days before the All-Star festivities.  What resulted was an emotion-filled reaction to the National Anthem, and the old Chicago Stadium echoed loudly.

This tradition is still alive and thriving.  Chicago has finished this lockout-induced abridged regular season with a record that seems almost too good to believe.  And here we are, on the eve of the 2013 Stanley Cup Playoffs.  It isn't easy being a token hockey fan among my friends in Florida.  But it's given me the chance to ask myself, "Why do I cheer the anthem?"

I've watched hockey with my dad for as long as I can remember.  I'm sure he had me in front of the TV as soon as I could hold my own head up.  He raised my brother and me to be full-blooded Blackhawks fans.  We both had sweaters for our favorite players and played rollerblade hockey in our driveway with one of our neighbors.  And the three of us lamented as one-by-one all of our favorite players were traded.

My brother and me circa 1997 with our Eddie Belfour (30) and Chris Chelios (7) sweaters

In high school I found myself always busy with choir rehearsals, two-a-day swim practices, traveling for concerts and swim meets, and still somehow finishing my homework.  I caught parts of games when I could.  And every summer I still watched the Stanley Cup Finals with my dad.

When I left for college, I started a slide that seemed to parallel the dismal state of the Blackhawks franchise.  I let myself become trapped in a social situation in which I gave up too many things that I enjoyed and hockey was unfortunately one of them.  But I began to break free and rebuild myself around the same time Rocky Wirtz began to rebuild Chicago hockey.

I graduated college and started my first job at Notre Dame.  Still a little shy, I overheard some of my co-workers talking about hockey and found courage to interject myself into the conversation. Soon, we were all drinking beers and watching games at the Mahons' house or Jerde's apartment.  And on June 9, 2010 we watched the Chicago Blackhawks win their first Stanley Cup Championship in 49 years.  I convinced my dad to reschedule a meeting with his company's attorneys and come with me to the parade in Chicago.  It was one of the most surreal days of my life, and I'm so thankful that I share it with the person most responsible for my hockey knowledge.

Me and my dad (lower right corner) in the middle of Michigan Avenue with two million other Blackhawks fans

Hockey has been a common denominator in my adult life.  It's still one of the few things my dad and I talk about.  Even with our differing political views and communication styles, hockey is always there.  And I'm not really sure that I would have developed as strong friendships with the people I worked with if I wasn't a hockey fan.

Now that I live in Florida where hockey fans are hard to come by, listing to WGN radio streams and watching the few nationally broadcast Chicago games has helped me feel connected to home.  I've even gotten a few of my friends interested in watching games too (or maybe they're just humoring me).  Either way, hockey has been and will continue to be a part of my life.  In the words of Johnny Weidemann, "Let's send it down to Jim Cornelison and the singing of the Star-Spangled Banner.  Enjoy the anthem, everybody!"

LET'S GO, 'HAWKS!  LET'S GO, 'HAWKS!  LET'S GO, 'HAWKS!

The Ides of April

The ides of April are upon us, my friends.  And I've done a piss-poor job of trying to blog everyday.  I actually wrote a handful of drafts, but never quite pulled the trigger to finish them.  Some of them I still might publish with a post date.  For others, I think the time may have passed.  Maybe I was trying to force the issue.  Or maybe I was just too busy and/or lazy to carve blogging time.  Oh well, reflections are sometimes a living entity without a deadline.  This last week has been pretty exciting, and I think I'll be more apt to put fingers to keys.  One thing is for certain: I'm excited to see where the rest of April takes me.

Scenes From A 26th Birthday

Today was a beautiful day in Gainesville to celebrate my 26th birthday.  After work I met my friends at Mother's, a pub downtown that has NHL Center Ice where I could catch the Chicago game versus St. Louis.  It might be the first game that my eyes or ears weren't glued to the action.  I was surrounded by burgers and beers and good conversation. I feel so fortunate to spent today with all of these great people. It almost makes me speechless, so I'll let some of the pictures (taken mostly by my labmate, Mike) do the talking...

All these people!

Mike and Chip

Happy to be 26!

Sherry and Drew in an intense conversation

Mike and me, field pros

This round of picklebacks goes out to my friends in the Midwest

Just creeping on my roommate, not a big deal

Jenn and Erin

Erin and Mike 

Thumbs up, lets do this!

High five, Aaron? Hell yeah!

Just three months ago, I was dealing with some deep homesickness.  I never thought that a short time later I would celebrate with so many good friends. I feel very loved.  I couldn't have asked for a better night.... (Except for a Blackhawks' win. ;) ).

Birthday Grand Melón Lemonade Cupcakes

Tomorrow is my 26th birthday! I haven't baked cocktail cupcakes in a while, so I decided it was appropriate to celebrate with the Grand Melón Lemonade cupcake.  It's based on my signature drink, Bacardi Grand Melón watermelon rum mixed with lemonade and a splash of club soda.  It was invented in Milwaukee the week after my 23rd birthday.  The cupcakes turned out fantastic, even if the watermelon flavor was a little more subtle than I hoped.  Here's what I did!.....

First things first, pour an inspiration cocktail! 

Liquify a chunk of watermelon, then add enough Grand Melón so the whole mixture equals 1 1/3 cups

Add Watermelon Rum mixture, 1/3 cup oil, and 3 eggs to a lemon cake box mix

Mix it. Oh yeah, mix it real good.  Mm...
 

Oil a muffin tin, parcel out batter in 1/4 cup increments, and bake at 350º F for 18-20 minutes

When those bad boys are done, they should look a little something like this.  Let them cool for 5 minutes
 

Then let them get completely cool on a wire rack.

Meanwhile in frosting land, mix 3 1/2 cups powdered sugar, 1 stick of butter, zest of a lemon,
a splash of vanilla, milk, and more Grand Melón.  Butter Cream, baby. Dig it.

Frost thusly 

Get drunk off cupcake.  (Please consume responsibly...)

I hope you've enjoyed this behind-the-scenes look at Camelot Bakery.  I'm excited to share these with my friends tomorrow! 26... it's going to be a good year.  I can feel it.

Hard Decisions Worth Making

After my mental block a couple months ago, I finally contacted the professor at Florida Atlantic University, had a successful phone interview with him, and applied to the Environmental Science Program.  On Saturday, I found an acceptance letter in my mailbox!  I felt excited, but as I read further, the feeling slowly changed to anxiety.  The letter requested that I confirm my decision by April 5, less than a week away.

I began to panic.  I have so many questions left!  I haven't met my future advisor, his other graduate students, or even stepped foot on the campus!  How could I possibly make this decision by Friday?!  After sharing the news with my mom (of course she was the first person I called!), I knew I needed to call one more person.  Chris, my friend, mentor, and former boss at Notre Dame, has influenced my professional growth more than anyone else.  I absolutely needed his guidance now.

I left Chris one spaztastic voicemail, then wrote him a slightly more coherent email with my concerns.  I hit send and curled into the fetal position on my bed feeling completely debilitated.  I was terrified of making the wrong decision based on incomplete data.  And I felt that I had next to no time left for more research.  Eventually, I fell asleep for a bit.  Chris had replied by the time I awoke, and it was perfect.

" Go have a drink
Know that we are going to talk tomorrow or Monday
Have another drink
...
Have another drink and start making a list of questions
Go to bed, get up tomorrow and go for a long walk, then have a breakfast drink.
Yup. Lots to think about.  You will make this decision by the 5th. Congratulations on having an option!"

It's amazing the calming effect these words had on me (or maybe it was the rum).  In the mean time, I contacted my advisor to try setting up a meeting.  After some back and forth, he let me know that even though the deadline is April 5th, my decision isn't binding.  This gave us more flexibility to find the best time for my visit.  Chris and I finally got a chance to talk today.  We went over what questions I need to ask and how to ask them.  And he told me how proud and excited he is for me. And that I'm ready for this.  They were mostly things that I knew but easily forget.  It is always uplifting to hear them out loud.

Now that I feel less pressured about making a decision so soon, I'm more relaxed and excited about visiting FAU next week.  I'm thankful that I have people like Chris in my life whose guidance I trust.  I still have uncertainties that I need to overcome, but life's hardest decisions are the most important ones.

Foodie Pen Pals - March 2013

The box I received from my March Foodie Pen Pal was wildly disappointing.  APRIL FOOLS!  It was awesome!!! This month I was paired with Skinny Sometimes author Shannon from Pennsylvania.  I told her that I was traveling a lot at the end of the month, and she sent me so many snacks that were perfect for my airplane rides and fieldwork.

• Trader Joe's PB&J chocolate bar - That thing didn't make it though the night.  

• Trader Joe's dried fruit strips - These were great for throwing in my daypack to snack on during field work.  The apricot was tasty, but I think the boysenberry was my favorite.  I had never had anything boysenberry flavored before.

• Quaker Real Medleys oatmeal cups - The cherry pistachio was perfect for my morning flight home.  All I had to do was ask the flight attendant for some hot water.  I ate the Apple walnut flavor for breakfast on Blackbeard Island.  I liked these so much that I got two more when we got groceries before working on Wassaw Island.

• Justin's peanut butter and almond butter - These were super tasty on tortillas for a snack.

• Two flavors of Cliff Mojo bars - I love Clif bars and Clif Builder bars. These are the first Mojo bars that I've tried, and they are just as delicious.  They are awesome for throwing in my daypack as well.

• Trader Joe's Apple Banana sauce crushers - I liked eating these after my bike ride home from work.  I squeezed a couple of them into my smoothies too, and they were a great addition.

• Planter's NUT-rition spread - It's peanut butter with banana chips and granola mixed in.  I've been spreading this on bananas (when I'm not eating it with a spoon...) and I really like the crunchy texture.

• Pumpkin Seeds - I haven't eaten pumpkin seeds in so long! These are salty and nutty.  I'm mildly addicted, and I think they are now going to be one of my standard field work snacks!

Thank you, Shannon, for introducing me to so many new go-to field work and travel snacks!!

I had a ton of fun this month shopping for my recipient, Kate in Massachusetts.  You can check out what I sent her at her blog What a life...

If you want to lean more about Foodie penpals, check out the link below! It's been a really fun experience :)

Zombie Jesus Day

For the second year in a row, I'm away from my family on Easter.  Last year I was in Puerto Rico, and now I'm in Florida. Since I'm not religious, Easter doesn't hold much spiritual weight for me.  Still, it's hard to be away from family on days like this.  I think part of growing up means starting your own traditions, even if they only stick for a year.

My day started watching the Chicago Blackhawks play the Detroit Red Wings in NBC's Game of the Week... ON TV!! For most games I have to listen to the WGN Radio online stream, and it always feels like a treat to watch the few national broadcasts.  My dad got me hooked on the sport before I can even remember. Watching and listening to hockey connects me to home like few things do.  I sat in my living room in my Blackhawks sweater watching Chicago score goal after goal after goal.... repeat that four more times! Final score: 7-1.

Later in the day, a few friends came over for a Rum Ham! I wanted an excuse to make this recipe by my favorite food blogger, Dan over at The Food In My Beard, and Easter seemed like a good enough excuse.  The recipe was inspired by an episode of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia where Frank simultaneously eats and gets drunk via a rum-soaked ham.  We felt it only proper to watch that and a few more episodes while eating our meal.  The Rum Ham was a HUGE hit, and our guests brought some other kick-ass sides.  Needless to say, we were all stuffed!  Not bad for a last-minute get together!  I only wish I had remembered to take a few "before pictures" of our spread.

The after...... RUM HAM!!!

I closed out the evening watching The Walking Dead season finale.  Jesus is kind of the world's most famous Zombie (get it? he rose from the dead!...) so it seemed fitting.  Season three ended much more poignantly than season two.  I really missed watching it with my late-night crew in the conference room in Puerto Rico.  At least my friend, Chris and I were able to chat online while it aired.  It's always fun to banter about the scenes with someone.

It was a great way to end the day, and a great day to end the month.  February and March have been a little emotionally dodgy for me.  This month I especially slacked on my blog.  In April I'd like to do better, and I'm challenging myself to write every day.  And if not on every day, then encompassing every day.  I think April going to be a better month filled with excitement...and not just because of my birthday ;)

Traveling At 30,000 Feet

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your author typing.  Good evening and welcome aboard this google-hosted Blogcraft.  We’d like you to take a moment and familiarize yourself with the following description of a typical day in airline travel.  Thank you for choosing our blog, and we hope you enjoy your read. 

Your journey back to Gainesville begins at Chicago Midway.  Since Midway is a busy airport, we ask that you print all boarding passes before arriving and avoid the check-in line all together.  Proceed to security and remove your shoes, jacket, clear ziplock bag of 4 oz liquids, and laptop computer like a boss.  Step into the full-body scanner, raise your arms, and give your best Clint Eastwood face.  Once you have ensured TSA that you have no firearms, explosives, chemical weapons, or illegal narcotics on your person, gather your belongings and locate your departure terminal.

Waiting areas are available for your convenience until your flight begins to board.  Each waiting area is equipped with “that person” who may or may not be flying for the first time. He or she will be overly concerned with every aspect of air travel including, but not limited to: PA announcements that don’t apply to her, whether her digital iPad tickets will work, why people are already lining up to board, if they and their luggage will all fit on the aircraft, and making generally annoying comments.  For your own sanity, we ask that you avoid this person at all costs.

You may notice an increase in noise level on this aircraft if most of your previous flights have departed during the morning hours. Passengers can be more alert at chatty in the afternoon and early evening.  Our outgoing passengers will use this opportunity to bond with the person next to them for the duration of this flight.  However, we’d like to remind our more introverted passengers who prefer quiet flights that fashioning a noose from oxygen mask straps is strongly discouraged.   Instead, insert your earbuds and commence “Wait Wait, Don’t Tell Me” podcasts when we allow the use of approved electronic devices.

Both of your flights today include complimentary beverage service.  Your choices are listed in the images below.

Also goes well with our damn delicious Biscoff cookies

Upon arrival in Atlanta, take a moment to locate your connecting flight terminal, which is as far from your current terminal as possible.  Stay calm. Your 2.5-hour layover gives you ample time to navigate the airport.  You may also use this time to refill your water bottle, eat the dinner you packed, and draft blog posts on you laptop.

By this time, your flight will be delayed for unknown reasons.  You can now listen to the Blackhawks game on your WGN Radio app.  As a reminder, you’ll need to contact your roommate once you reach your final destination, and apps eat battery power like a fat kid at a buffet.  You may use the one of the power stations located near your terminal to keep your electronics fully charged.

Once we begin boarding the late flight back to Gainesville, passengers will be quieter.  It should make for an easy, quick trip.  Estimated arrival is 11:30 PM local time.  It should give you plenty of time to repack and get a few hours of sleep before catching the field work shuttle at 5:45 in the morning.  We'll begin our decent to the end of this blog post shortly.  Please return your laptop screens to their upright positions and stow yourself securely under the covers.  From all of us here at The Quarter-life Chronicles, thanks for reading, and we hope you have a great day.

C'mon, Get Happy!

I've seen quite a bit of buzz around the internet for The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  Samantha owns it, so I decided to give it a read.  Rubin spends a year finding ways to maximize happiness in her everyday life.  She isolates twelve topics, one for each month, and sets related "resolutions" for each topic.  The book is part memoir of her year and part repository for all of her research of what other people have thought and written about happiness.

You can also check out the accompanying Happiness Project blog

I don't know if I'll ever launch my own Happiness Project, but it definitely made me mindful of the things that make me happy.  Of all the parts of this book that I related to my own life, four take-away messages stood out most:

• Growth and progress are important for happiness: I have noticed that the things I enjoy the most are ones where I can measure my improvement or that give me a sense of accomplishment.

• Make time for the things that make me happy: So often we get wrapped up with work and other errands that we think we don't have time for hobbies.  But one hour is only 4% of the day.  With that perspective, setting aside even a little time to read a book, paint, or bake cupcakes doesn't seem like a difficult commitment.

• I can't do everything, but I can always do something: I have a multitude of interests, and sometimes I feel overwhelmed that I can't pursue them all.  I wish I was a better piano player, a better skier, had my SCUBA certification, could bake killer fruit pies, and knew how to drive a rally racecar.  Some of these are more feasible than others.  Spending time testing out new recipes will still make me happy, even if I never learn to drift a Subaru.  However...

• "When the student is ready, the teacher appears": If I really cannot get rally racing out of my head, I'm sure at some point I will stumble across a racing school or meet someone who is into stunt driving.  It's happened recently with biking.  I started riding my bike more and ended up meeting other women who are into mountain biking.  Just one example of many that illustrates how keeping an open mind about an interest has helped me see the opportunities that are around me.

Although I didn't always agree with or relate to the author, I enjoyed this book and got a lot out of it.  I would recommend it to anyone who is content with their life but feel as if something is missing.  And you should absolutely read this book if you find yourself sitting home on friday nights lamenting how bored you are.  You clearly could be doing more with your life.

Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos Are Here!

I don't eat fast food often. But when I do, it's usually at Taco Bell. A little over a year or so ago. Taco Bell released the Doritos Locos taco in nacho cheese flavor. As anyone with a discerning palate can tell you, Cool Ranch is really the superior Doritos flavor. So I decided to patiently wait until taco bell came to its senses before trying a Doritos loco taco. I knew it would only be a matter of time.

Last summer my trusted food blog reported the Cool Ranch DLT popping up in test markets across the country. Then, just after new year, Taco Bell finally announced a nationwide release date. My countdown had started.

Today, my wait ended, and I triumphantly purchased my first Doritos Locos taco.  It was as delicious as anything from Taco Bell could be.  Adequately seasoned meat that is probably 30% TVP, shredded processed cheese, and almost crisp iceberg lettuce adorned a crunchy shell subtly enhanced with Cool Ranch flavor.  It was everything I expected a Doritos-wrapped Taco Bell taco would be and nothing more.  I was delighted.

This photo is titled: "Simple Pleasures"

It's all about the red and green flavor flecks.  

Now that I have fulfilled my Cool Ranch flavor loyalty, I might even try the Nacho Cheese tacos.  However, I think the Cool Ranch DLT has found a place among my standard menu lineup.  The next time you need a drive-thru fix, do yourself a favor and give one of these bad boys a whirl.

Kara's Super Spontaneous Visit

In a delightfully unexpected turn of events, my friend Kara came to visit last week!  She had originally planned on coming in early April.  But this week lined up with her work better.  Sunday she messaged Sam and told her she would be flying in... Monday night! What?!  The three of us went to college together and it was fun little reunion.

I hadn't seen Kara in probably about three years.  Since my schedule is so flexible right now, I was able to rearrange my week and spend a lot of time with her.  Kara has clear goals when she travels: to get "the history, the culture, and the nature." And I think we did a pretty good job of finding all those things.  After working Tuesday morning, I met her at the Florida Natural History Museum on campus.  We finished exploring, then walked across to the Art Museum.  Both museums are fantastic, and they're free!!  We grabbed lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon geocaching while waiting for Samantha to finish work.  It's been a while since I've been 'caching.  Searching is so much more enjoyable when I go with someone else.  And we got into some pretty interesting places...

...like this truck!

"Where is it?!" (we eventually found it :D ) 

On Wednesday, Sam was able to take a half day off work, and the three of us took a trip to St. Augustine, the U.S.'s oldest city.  After a delicious lunch at the Floridian, we spent the afternoon wandering around some shops and eventually made it to Castillo de San Marcos.  This oldest stone fort was originally built during Spanish occupation of Florida. It was traded back and forth of British rule. Then the United States gained control when Spain sold Florida to the U.S.  Historic sites like this are always fun to explore, but Kara added a new level of excitement shouting, "The British are coming!!" from the top of the walls.

Vantage point atop the fort

We wandered around after the fort closed, eventually finding ourselves on the beach listening to the breaking waves of the Atlantic Ocean.  I miss being so close to a large body of water and was just a little sad when we started our drive back to Gainesville.

Thursday, Kara and I set out on a day hike in Ocala National Forest.  The ranger station recommended The Yearling Trail.  This six mile loop winds though the land where the Long family build their homesteads in the mid 1850's.  Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings also spent some time here, and her visits inspired her book The Yearling.  The movie adaptation was later filmed on site.  Neither Kara nor I have read the book or watched the movie, but after hiking the trail, we both intend to do so.  Historic spots mark the trail including the family cemetery.  This is the first time that I've seen coins on top of gravestones.  I looked it up, and it seems to carry the same superstition as tossing coins into a fountain.  Who knew?

Coins on top of the Long family gravestones

Halfway through the trail, we found the perfect lunch spot in a dry fen.  We sat under a beautiful sunny sky, enjoying our lunch and a couple beers.  Kara liked the spot so much that she left her phone there so we would have to hike back! 

The view from our lunch spot

We drove back to Gainesville in time to grab Sam and head to dinner at Satchels, an eclectic pizza place.  Unfortunately, Kara had to leave early Friday morning.  All three of us wished she could have stayed longer, especially so Sam could have spent more time with us.  I'm so glad that she could visit at all though.  Kara has such a light-hearted, fun-loving nature.  I think her visit came at the perfect time.  We had a fantastic week, and I was able to forget a lot of the things that have been stressful and just be silly for a while.  We're both stumbling through different life decisions, but I think she has a really good mantra: do what you love, and things will fall into place.  I'm thankful to have a friend that can remind me of that, and I hope that I get to see her again soon.

Its Something Unpredictable...

Today marks the 10th anniversary of one of the worst days of my life.  March 1, 2003, I found out that my cousin, Pat, the first best friend I ever had, committed suicide.  It seems like a long time ago, but only if you measure it in terms of years.  That day and the few days after are still unmistakably vivid.  So vivid that sometimes after reflecting on them, I'm shocked to look in the mirror and find that I'm not fifteen anymore.  Surely something that I still remember so strongly couldn't have happened ten years ago.

That event has always been the one that drew the line in the sand.  My life changed.  I started to grow up, become more sensitive, recognize what was really happening in the world around me.  Looking back at those ten years, I see everything in my life that stems from that day.  But its a little blurred now. Sometimes its hard to tease apart what resulted from trauma and how my fifteen-year-old self would have changed anyway.

One thing that I do know these last ten year have taught me is the difference between celebrating life and memorializing tragedy.  Pat died on February 28, which is also my dad's birthday.  For the first few years after, I felt an inner emotional struggle when we celebrated.  It was hard to be happy when I wanted to hide in my room and cry.  I didn't realize that I was slowing changing until last year.  I remembered my dad's birthday, but didn't remember what else that day stood for until late that night.  I was upset with myself. I thought it meant that I was forgetting Pat all together.  But what I was subconsciously learning was that I don't need a day to mark when I should feel sad.  I can pick a day to be sad whenever I want.  I only have a finite number of birthdays left to celebrate with my dad.

Some people say that time heals all.  But I don't know if I agree.  Maybe accepting and coping with reality have gotten easier, but the wound is still there and it still hurts.  At Pat's funeral, his sister read the lyrics to "Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)" by Green Day.  The minute my dad started the car to go home, that song game on the radio from the first notes.  To this day, I can't hear it without feeling tense and filled with anxiety, and if I leave it on for too long, I almost always break down.

I think I've finally forgiven Pat and grown passed my anger. But it doesn't lessen the sadness that I feel sometimes. I'll always wonder how things would have been different, who he would have grown up to be.  He was wickedly smart and insightful, and I have no doubt that he deprived the world something amazing.  That's the hardest part, all the questions that I'll never have answers to.  Sometimes the only thing I can do is keep breathing.

I wasn't sure if I should publish this post.  I almost didn't.  I felt vulnerable thinking about clicking "Publish".  This is one of the most personal stories that I have to share. But I decided it was important.   I think most people have experienced tragedy, and its healthy to reevaluate how we deal with our grief.  While this experience isn't something that I regularly broadcast about myself, it isn't something that I can pretend didn't happen either.  It isn't how I define myself, although I think for a while I tried to.

And for the love of god... If you're even thinking about hurting yourself, please find help.  Even message me if you want to.  I'll listen to anything you have to say.  The world needs you more than you know.

February Foodie Pen Pals

Last fall I somehow stumbled across Foodie Pen Pals.  Lindsay, author of The Lean Green Bean blog started organizing food swaps between people about a year ago and its grown into a really cool program.  She pairs participants with each other and you send a box with $15 worth of food items to the other person.  I did it once when I was still in Michigan, and this month was my first time since I've moved to Florida.

I received my package from Deb from Delaware.  I didn't give her much direction as far as preferences, and she sent me a box jam packed with snacks from a local Amish store. Check it out!:

Look at all these tasty treats!

She included two bags of frosted pretzels, which happen to be one of my favorite snacks. They did not last long in this apartment.  There were two types of granola bars which were both great.  The Lemon Cranberry had a really bright flavor, and I hope that I can find more of them somewhere down here. One container of trail mix had naked raisins AND chocolate covered raisins with M&Ms, peanuts and almonds.  Hell yes.  The other container is a crunchy Asian snack mix that I'm finding mildly addictive.  Deb also sent a container of veggie dip mix.  I haven't tried it yet, but pita chips are on my grocery list now.  And I have big plans involving that BBQ sauce and some ribs this weekend.  Thanks for everything, Deb!!

I got paired with someone different to send a package.  You can read what I picked out for Ashley from Iowa at her blog: The Preppy Runner

I think this program is lots of fun.  Its a great way to connect with other people and try new foods that I probably wouldn't find otherwise.  If you're interested in joining, check out the button below for the full details!