Hard Decisions Worth Making

After my mental block a couple months ago, I finally contacted the professor at Florida Atlantic University, had a successful phone interview with him, and applied to the Environmental Science Program.  On Saturday, I found an acceptance letter in my mailbox!  I felt excited, but as I read further, the feeling slowly changed to anxiety.  The letter requested that I confirm my decision by April 5, less than a week away.

I began to panic.  I have so many questions left!  I haven't met my future advisor, his other graduate students, or even stepped foot on the campus!  How could I possibly make this decision by Friday?!  After sharing the news with my mom (of course she was the first person I called!), I knew I needed to call one more person.  Chris, my friend, mentor, and former boss at Notre Dame, has influenced my professional growth more than anyone else.  I absolutely needed his guidance now.

I left Chris one spaztastic voicemail, then wrote him a slightly more coherent email with my concerns.  I hit send and curled into the fetal position on my bed feeling completely debilitated.  I was terrified of making the wrong decision based on incomplete data.  And I felt that I had next to no time left for more research.  Eventually, I fell asleep for a bit.  Chris had replied by the time I awoke, and it was perfect.

" Go have a drink
Know that we are going to talk tomorrow or Monday
Have another drink
...
Have another drink and start making a list of questions
Go to bed, get up tomorrow and go for a long walk, then have a breakfast drink.
Yup. Lots to think about.  You will make this decision by the 5th. Congratulations on having an option!"

It's amazing the calming effect these words had on me (or maybe it was the rum).  In the mean time, I contacted my advisor to try setting up a meeting.  After some back and forth, he let me know that even though the deadline is April 5th, my decision isn't binding.  This gave us more flexibility to find the best time for my visit.  Chris and I finally got a chance to talk today.  We went over what questions I need to ask and how to ask them.  And he told me how proud and excited he is for me. And that I'm ready for this.  They were mostly things that I knew but easily forget.  It is always uplifting to hear them out loud.

Now that I feel less pressured about making a decision so soon, I'm more relaxed and excited about visiting FAU next week.  I'm thankful that I have people like Chris in my life whose guidance I trust.  I still have uncertainties that I need to overcome, but life's hardest decisions are the most important ones.