Cogitations at 5:40 AM

So here I sit. It's the wee hours of the morning, and I haven't gotten a wink of sleep.  Normally I can at least fall asleep by 2 or 3 AM.  Not tonight.  Maybe its the pain killers that I took earlier or just an over active brain.  Whatever the case may be, it's something that happens all too frequently lately.  Instead of wasting time scrolling through people I never talk to on Facebook or pinning things that I'll probably never do to my boards on Pintrest, I finally decided to do something productive.

I intended to start this blog a long time ago.  More than a year ago in fact.  Originally I named it "My Awesome Unemployment" after losing my job at Notre Dame.  It was going to be a way to keep myself busy and accountable for my time.  What I realized was that to be content, I needed to Do something, Make something, or Learn something new everyday.  And while that blog never materialized,  I think some of those still ring true.

I've spent the last year and a half stumbling through jobs, journeys and misadventures. Sometimes I feel like I have forward momentum. Other times I feel as if my life is hopelessly stalled.  My twenty-sixth birthday is less than three months away, and I've realized that I am deeply intrenched in a quarter-life crisis.  I'm stuck in a rut with a maze of choices to decipher the right direction for my career path.  This blog will be part of my shovel.

The last blog that I wrote documented my adventures during my time in Puerto Rico. I started it as a convenient way to keep my friends updated on my experience there. I slaved over every post, making sure that I had a well crafted story before publishing it. And I left out a lot of the bad things. The things that made me think, "Who the hell are these people. What the fuck am I doing here." At the time censoring myself to the world was therapeutic.  I didn't want to come off as whiney when recounting a once in a lifetime opportunity to my friends and family.  This is not that blog.

I wrote those posts for other people.  These I will write for myself to reflect on all the angles of a difficult crossroads.  Carefully constructed words will become mental vomit expelled from fingertips recounting anything hopeful, exciting, frustrating, thought-provoking, and absurd. I don't give a shit if anyone else reads them.  However, I welcome those who are brave enough to peek into the inner workings of my thoughts. If I wanted no one to read this, I would write a journal instead.  But maybe someone will stumble across this, glance at a few words, and relate to something I've said.  And we can both feel a little less alone on this crazy journey.